He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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