P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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