Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
