apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
