we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
