I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
