Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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