In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was confusing and full of hummus
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
