So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
A+ Viking dick
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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