sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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