You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
