TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
