Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
