So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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