A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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