i think my mom watched the whole time
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
