Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
