I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Where did you get a picture of my penis
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
