matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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