there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
