I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
