last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
