I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
