yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
