afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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