Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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