Betty ford says i'm here all night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
