Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
