I want to stick my p in your. b.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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