He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
