So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
