Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
