Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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