Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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