he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
