Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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