Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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