tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
