I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
