my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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