Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
