i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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