mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
