is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He did a backflip because drugs
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
