i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
