She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
