i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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