Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
