I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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