This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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