Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
