Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
