Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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