I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
