The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
